To become a successful person, there are a lot of ways to achieve their goals. The successful person
must be aware of consequences
they want to achieve success, one might have to must
give up something; the results can
be seen at the final destination.
Success requires understanding of
the definition of "need" and "want".
Every individual have their own ‘needs’ and ‘wants’ in their life. Take an
example of William Henry Gates, he is the chairman of Microsoft. He is the
world's richest between 1995 and 2007. He and his wife,
has donated $
3.46 billion to establish a
foundation to support charities
in global health and
education sectors. He set up his own Foundation to help others,
the name of the
Foundation is named
by using he and his wife's name. In many cases, people need to live in what does not
and cannot live without according
to their different needs and wants. There are two types of long-term
successful people such as the materialistic and contributor.
Materiality is very important for everyone;
people cannot leave them, such as food, clothing and water. For examples, being
employment does not mean only as safety needs but also monthly incomes，it proved whether your life is good or bad. If people income
is high, may be after
a few years they will be able to
have their own house, do not need to go
to rent an apartment any more. If people have money,
they can go start their own businesses.
Have their business can give the person wealth and success.
For next generation,
it is very important to have wealth
and then use the appropriate method of
education, the future generations will be better than we do. Also,
in life, people need water and food to replenish
their energy, so that they can work
better. For example, Bill Gates was born in
the Seattle, his father
is well-known local
lawyer and his mother was the director of the banking system and his
grandfather was the
governor of the
National Bank. He is the chairman of Microsoft,
by his own efforts to become the world's richest for the 1995 – 2007.
In Seattle, he
has an area of about
6600 square meters of mansions. These are his efforts to get the material
success.
Contributor, they help others who
need help. They create a better world for other people. They use their own way to
help others. By helping others, they feel success. For example, some people want to become a psychiatrist, because
they want to go to help those who need help from the psychological.
Some people help others from life, they help those old people sweeping,
washing clothes, cooking and when
they are free,
they will go to accompany
those old people who living alone, to
sing for them and
have a walk with them. However, it is not enough; today people need more material things. Take an example
of Bill Gates,
Bill Gates officially retired in June 2008, the property of Gates's $ 58 billion, he announced it will
come up with 98% to
Bill and Melinda Foundation, the
money for the study of HIV and malaria vaccines,
and the world's poorest countries to provide assistance and Gates
Foundation, donated $ 1.3 million
to the Chinese
Ministry of Health, when the badly earthquake happened
in Sichuan, China. The contribution will
be used to support the Ministry of Health water security controls on the earthquake-stricken areas and disease control.
Different people
have different “needs” and “wants” that is required in order for them to feel
that they are successful in their life. It is all depend on the materialistic
and contributor of an individual.
The introduction is a strong one, with a good thesis statement. The topic sentences however are weaker. The topic sentence on materialistic success not only lack a focus, but also include unnecessary details which cannot be well supported by supporting sentences of that paragraph. The conclusion is also quite rushed.
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